TWITCH!
by WritingWoman
Summary: When two tenth graders get bored, the Inuyasha cast is put at their mercies...Unfortunately, we don't have any...A collection of short, very random, and very odd stories. Gender swapping!Baby Sitting!Inuyasha loves all!Miroku can fly!Sedatives please!
1. Chapter 1

_I do not own Inuyasha. If I did, the series would be very different... and you all would love me for the changes, you know you would!_

**_Sesshomaru Baby Sits _**

"Sesshomaru!" A voice boomed up the stairway.

"What?" Sesshomaru yelled back, annoyed by the interruption.

"Come down here! I need to talk to you!" Inutashio tapped the railing impatiently with his claw, scratching it deeply. "Shit!" He said when he realized what he was doing.

Upstairs, a young Sesshomaru gulped and winced at the anger in his father's voice. Quickly pausing his music, the dog demon flew down the stairs, almost running into his father. "What did you need me for?" Inutashio sighed.

"Your mom is forcing me to go to a play with her. I need you to baby sit your brother." Instantly Sesshomaru objected.

"She's not my mom! And I don't want to baby sit the cry baby! I'm busy!" Inutashio growled and grew twenty feet tall. "But... I suppose I can put off my plans." His father returned to normal.

"Good boy." Inutashio and his wife - NOT Sesshomaru's mom! - left for the play. A very young Inuyasha came around the corner and glared at Sesshomaru.

"No _way_ am I listening to you!" He raced upstairs and Sesshomaru snarled. Why did he have to watch the half breed brat? His dad was the Lord of the West! Couldn't they afford a babysitter? He sighed. What was done was done. Reaching for the phone to cancel his plans, a breaking sound caught his ears, and his heart plummeted into his stomach. Racing upstairs, he slammed open his bedroom door to see the carnage he had feared.

Inuyasha was standing in the center of Sesshomaru's room, shattered CD's all around him, even an expensive, irreplaceable record or two. Sesshomaru screamed, catching Inuyasha's attention, stopping him in the middle of his victory dance. With big eyes, he turned and looked at his brother, who was breathing fire.

"INUYASHA!" He shouted, and charged at his baby brother, claws glowing an evil color. Inuyasha yelped and tried to run away, but Sesshomaru followed him. They ran around the room a few times, SEsshomaru taking swipes but never hitting, only succeeding in breaking more of his stuff, making him even angrier.

Making a break for it, Inuyasha lunged out the door and down the hall. With a howl so evil it would have sent chills up your spine, Sesshomaru followed. With one huge leap, he tackled his brother, sending them rolling down the stairs, yipping and snarling.

Ding-Dong! The doorbell rang, and the boys looked up, frozen. Then there was another squabble, much shorter and more violent this time. Sesshomaru won, and opened the door with Inuyasha chewing on his ear.

Outside was Sesshomaru's girlfriend. His very important plans... that he hadn't had a chance to cancel. And now it was too late. There she was, on his doorstep, smiling prettily, as Inuyasha continued to try to chomp through his ear.

"Er... Hey, Karana," he said, trying to appear cool, like Inuyasha was some new kind of earring or something. "What's new?"

"Hello, Sesshomaru... What's that on your ear?" She raised one hand to cover her mouth as she laughed silently at him. The dog demon groaned inwardly.

"Uh... It's just my brother. Inuyasha." The embarrassment of all older siblings over their younger ones washed over him.

"He's so cute! What an adorable little puppy!" Inuyasha stopped in mid-chomp and looked at Karana. An idea popped into his evil little brother brain, and a similarly evil smile spread over his face. Quickly it disappeared, and big puppy eyes and a quivering lip replaced it.

As would be expected, Inuyasha began to cry. Sesshomaru stared at him, horrified. Karana gasped and took the hanyou from his half brother.

"Aw, poor puppy! What's wrong, what's wrong?" She cooed at the adorably sad crying Inuyasha. He raised a finger and pointed at the dog demon.

"He-he-he Was gon-gonna beat me up!" Karana glared at Sesshomaru, who still had a comically horrified look on his face.

"How could you! How could you threaten this poor, innocent little puppy!" She scolded him, then turned her attention to Inuyasha. "Hush now, puppy, how about I fix you up some ice cream, okay?" She breezed right past Sesshomaru, on into their kitchen. Miserable, the demon followed. They had reached the shining tile floors of the kitchen when he found his voice.

"I _was_ going to beat him up, but it wasn't like I was really going to hurt him! And there was a reason! He broke all my CD's, including the one you had given me for my birthday last year!" Karana shot a look at him over her shoulder, and he realized that he was just digging himself a deeper hole. "I mean, I wasn't going to beat him up at all! I was just going to put him in a time out!" She turned and looked sternly at him, then melted.

"Aw, it's alright, Fluffy-face, I believe you. But, I already promised him ice cream. After that, I can help you baby sit him!" Sesshomaru winced. This was promising to be a evening from hell. And it was.

Every chance he could, Inuyasha caused Sesshomaru grief, and there was nothing the dog demon could do about it. The hanyou flung gooey ice cream at him, getting his hair and tail all sticky. Once that mess was all cleaned out, Sesshomaru tried to have some alone time with Karana. But, every time he opened his mouth, Inuyasha squeezed a fully loaded whoopie-cushion, releasing a farting noise. Once, Sesshomaru excused himself, saying he had to go to the bathroom, while he was in reality searching for the prudently missing Inuyasha. When he came back, he discovered that Inuyasha was sprayed a can of stink all over, and was pointing at Sesshomaru as he came through the door, explaining to Karana that Sesshomaru had very irritable bowels. Karana had appeared to be listening with fascination.

Finally, Karana left, sides hurting from the mass giggling fits she had been having 'spontaneously' all evening.

"What a delightful little brother. The next time you baby sit, you chould call me so I can help! Maybe then Puppy can show me the album he wanted to show me earlier." Sesshomaru's inner... Sesshomaru wailed. Those photo albums were filled with embarrassing baby pictures.

"All right then, see you, good bye, I'll call you tomorrow." He shut the door as fast as he could behind her without slamming it, then rounded on Inuyasha, who realized the drawback to his plan.

Eventually, Karana would have to leave. And then it would be just him and Sesshomaru.

Oh, shit.

Sesshomaru's hands blazed a violent green, and he roared ferociously (sp?). Inuyasha turned and tried to run, but slipped on some wrapping paper his mom had left out. Sesshomaru pounced.

An hour or two later, Inutashio and Inuyasha's mother came home, Inutashio rolling his eyes as his wife enthused on the details of the play. As far as the demon lord was concerned, people had fought, people had died, and everyone had been in general, stupid. (The play they had gone to see was Romeo & Juliet, and these are my opinions, not B.B.'s)

"We're back!" He called to the seemingly empty castle. He snarled at the Christmas decorations that hung from every available surface. Sesshomaru appeared at the top of the stairs, looking very calm. "I guess your brother didn't give you any trouble then." Inutashio stated, mildly pleased. Sesshomaru shook his head.

"He did at the beginning, but after a while he calmed down." His father shot him a suspicious look.

"You didn't hurt him, did you?" Sesshomaru shook his head.

"No. Amazingly, I didn't. But now you own me about two hundred dollars in Cd's, just so you know." Inutashio frowned. He didn't like his son telling him what to do, but he supposed that Sesshomaru had a reason for it. He nodded, then went to his own room.

No one noticed the squirming, struggling package under the Christmas tree marked, "Do not open until X-Mas!" A pretty red bow was tied all the way around it.

Perhaps that's why Sesshomaru doesn't like Inuyasha very much. What a disappointing present to open on Christmas day.

_Lol! Just kidding, that would be a great present! As long as he was older... Anyway, that's my useless little blurb, the opening scene for TWITCH!. TWITCH! is a general heap of useless stories, made by two really bored tenth graders. This has been Writing Woman, and ya'll are getting cookies for Christmas! Merry Christmas to all, even those who don't celebrate it! You should be like me, and go along with it for the free shit! Yay, gift cards!_

_TWITCH! will continue. A glimpse of more to come: _

Kagome: "DIE INUYASHA!" she ran at him with a bent spoon. Inuyasha spread open his arms.

"Kagome! Lay down thy weapon, and join me as I spread peace and love to the earth!" Unfortunately, Kagome didn't listen, and stabbed Inuyasha through the eye with the spoon.

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Kilala: "Yes, that's right, worship me, worship me for the wonderful, adorable kitty that I am!"

Fans: "We worship you!"

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Miroku: "Look at me! I can fly!" His head got hit by a random shoe.

"Miroku!" Sango screeched. "Get your pervy ass down here before I throw my other shoe at you!"

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_And many more! _


	2. Flying Monk

_**Ch 2: Flying Monk**_

Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku were setting up camp while Kagome, Shippo, and Kilala were out gathering firewood (whenever we don't want someone to be around, it seems we send them out to go gather firewood...) when the authors, WritingWoman and BlondBitch, arrived... by walking out of a nearby tree...

"Hey. Monk." W.W. whispered. Miroku looked up from his work. "Come here." Mirokru came closer and as he did he saw that it was two young women beckoning him, and he smiled. B.B. started drooling, and reached out to touch the monk. W.W. grabbed B.B.'s wrist and pulled hard. Quickly, before the blond remembered that she did in fact have a second hand, W.W. flicked her wand at Miroku, covering him in glitter, and dragged her crying co-author away. "This is not what we're here for!" The more focused author snapped at her friend.

"Miroku!" B.B. yelled with longing, catching Sango's attention (but oddly, Inuyasha has remained oblivious this whole time...). "Miroku, I would happily bear your children!" And the authors were gone... back through the... tree... yeah.

!Tick, tock! Miroku was stunned. !Tick, tock, tick, tock... TING! "**_WAIT!_** Bring her back!" !SMACK! Sango cracked the monk just under his jaw with her Ridiculously Large Weapon of a Boomerang. Up, up, up he went... he just... kinda... didn't come... down...

"Hey! Sango, get me down!" Miroku shouted from his airy position. A large boomerang came whistling toward him, and he dodged out of the way as best as he could, considering that there was nothing to push off of. "Not like THAT!"

Sango looked around. Inuyasha was still being oblivious, Kilala was missing, and that cowardly monk refused to come down the easy way... Well, she just didn't know what to do.

Meanwhile, as Sango pondered her predicament below, Miroku learned how to use his wings, and tried to get the glitter off of him, because how was he going to get chicks when he was covered in very unmanly glittery stuff... and he had no money at this point in time? But the stubborn silver crap wouldn't leave him. He sighed. That's what came of following strange women into the woods... they cover you with glitter and cause you to fly. You'd think after the first couple of times, he'd learn...

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_B.B. - Wait. Why'd you cover him in glitter? _

_W.W. - Why shouldn't I? I like the thought of a glittery Miroku. laughter Praying Mantis. Er... !To reader! That's kinda a private joke... like she even remembers it... baka no ama..._

_B.B. - Yeps!a minute passes! Hey..._

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Soon, the not-so-holy monk could do swoops, loop-de-loops, and all sorts of other fun aerial stuff that you learn to do when you fly. ... Not that I would know...

A town appeared below the flying pervert. Miroku spied a young woman going about her own business, just doing normal stuff... and a very-typical-of-him idea sprang into his mind...

With a SWOOSH of wind, he dived down into the town... and flew right under the young woman's skirts. She had barely realized what had happened by the time he was gone.

"HAHAHA! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me!" Miroku shouted, flying through the air, a plan in mind... the spreading of his letchy hand all over the country... and he wouldn't even have to walk. That last part was the only real change, because the rest had been a life long dream, not a just realized goal. Cough. Yeha, anyway...

Sango, after much thought and work, had awoken Inuyasha out of his stupor, and the two had set off across the country, on their way to stop Miroku from completing his dastardly plan...

Miroku had just hit his twelfth (sp?) target, and was feeling very proud of himself. Twelve women in different towns in just over a half an hour. Not even his grandfather could beat that!

"Look at me!" He yelled to the vast blue skies that were now his playground. "I can fly!" As if this hadn't already been established... A random shoe came toward him, and clocked him in the head.

"Miroku!" A familiar voice shouted at him. "Get your pervy ass down here now, before I throw my other shoe at you!" Miroku blinked, and looked down. Immediately he gulped. Below him was Sango... and boy was she pissed (library computer)

"NO! You'll kill me!" The holy pervert shouted, and went further into the sky. Inuyasha looked at Sango.

"I don't think you've convinced him to come down." He also got hit by a shoe, and he ran away, screaming. Now it was all up to Sango to save women everywhere from getting felt up by the amazing flying letch.

Holy Crap are we women in trouble.

I mean, uh... ah, who cares what I meant.

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_B.B. - Really, who cares what you think, W.W.?_

_W.W. - I'm thinking you'd better be nice before I cut off your balls._

_B.B. - Hey! Get off my nuts!_

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Sango hoisted her Large Boomerang Who's Name I Can't Spell. Looked like this was going to have to be done the hard way... the better way.

Giving it a huge toss, she struck the monk dead center, in his stomach, knocking all the glitter off his winded body. Immediately, he dropped through the air, falling like a stone, as if his letchy ways were adding gravity to him.

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_Miroku - But they don't... do they?_

_W.W. - Well, I'm not a letch, and I've never fallen as quick as you did... so, maybe._

_Miroku - !sadness...!_

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He made a crater as he landed in the dirt, but, it being a animated show, he was, of course, unharmed. Scrambling out of the hole, he shouted at Sango,

"I told you I didn't..." Then he saw her face. "Shit. I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"Miroku..." She grated out. "You wouldn't believe the stories I've been hearing about you..."

_And there you go! That's our story of the flying monk, and we're sticking too it. After all, neither of us can afford to rewrite it... ideas come so expensive nowadays... and we're both poor as fuck..._

**_Ending:_**

Everything had settled down, and all was quiet. Miroku was once more in full health, having recovered from the beating Sango had given him, and was sitting quietly by the fire, as was everyone else.

Abruptly, and illogically, as we have a tendency to be, B.B. popped out of a spoon, and ran at Miroku.

"Miroku! I love you!" But W.W. was right behind her, and snatched her collar, pulling her away from the stunned monk.

"No! Bad B.B.! No fraternizing with the unreal people!" They had gone well beyond the reach of the fire, but everyone had followed them.

"...We're real..." Kagome said, slightly confused. B.B. & W.W. ignored her, B.B. pouting.

"But what about Sesshomaru!" W.W. stopped dragging her friend.

"He's different. He's really uuber hot."

"Hey! I am too!" Miroku said.

"Me too!" Inuyasha yelled indignantly. Impatient, W.W. dropped B.B., who, in a moment of blondness, forgot her need to pursue Miroku. W.W. showed them the pictures she carried everywhere of Sesshomaru.

"NO one is as hot as my puppy. Not a monk, not a cute guy with ears. NO ONE." Just then, Sesshomaru, impassive as ever, came over a hill... that popped out of nowhere.

W.W. looked at the dog demon for a full minute before she truly realized who she was staring at. Sesshomaru was by then close enough to see the pictures. One of them was a very... revealing... picture...

"Where'd you get those?" He shouted, very sexy voice, booming throughout the land. But W.W. didn't notice. Instead, she jumped him, and began hugging him, mouth going a mile a minute (Wow, knowing me as well as I do, that sounded really bad.. but it was meant innocent!). B.B. finally realized that she was free, and glomped Miroku, who had no objections. Then the two fans attentions changed...

Shirt material began flying everywhere as the pair ripped through their respective guys' shirts. W.W. even tore through Sesshomaru's armor.

The ground began to suck the girls' under at that point. They shrank, first their feet disappearing, then their knees.

"NO!" They screamed collectively. "NOT YET!" IN a last ditch attempt, they snatched Sessho and Miroku, dragging their faces down. Both claimed a kiss before their heads were enveloped by earth, and both the demon and the monk ended with a faceful of dirt. Eventually they were released.

Sesshomaru rocked back on his heels, quietly trying to recover his shattered dignity. Miroku spat out the dirt, and said,

"That was weird. Wish she had stayed around long enough to bear my children, though." It was worth the usual boomerang lump to say that. Inuyasha pouted, and said,

"Don't know why they thought you was so hot anyway, either of you." W.W. popped up first, hands clawing at the dirt to keep her head above the ground. She glared daggers at INuyasha.

"You stay away from my puppy, or I shall get you..." the earth claimed her as B.B. fought her way to the surface, screaming insults. It was disturbing, to see her head swallowed by the ground as she continued talking. Her hand reached out in a last ditch attempt to own Miroku, connecting with his ankle, but losing it's grip. Then there was a silence, as Sesshomaru looked at the group, who looked at Sesshomaru.

"What. The. Hell." He said, then walked away. He would have nothing more to do with these pathetic creatures and the strange ones that could pop out of the ground and draw hills out of emptiness.

Miles away, in a cave under the earth (A cave equipped with electricity, internet, and indoor toilets), two young fans bided their time...

And planned.


End file.
